If

If only I got the chance to scream out loud what's inside of my head, what's crawling through my mind whenever you put those blames on me,

I'll tell you how I feel being accused eversince.

I'll scream to you those pains I've swallowed.

I'll shout to you how my past brought me to the present with uncountables wounds.

And, you'll be sorry.

I sulk

Because I want your fucking attention and your effort to comfort myself and to convince your love for me. I am like no one else because I ain't doin shits on social websites. I am abide only with you. My entertainment is only you. Please, just don't offends me by rewriting the list of your efforts. I never pleaded for anything to be done. Never. None. I never did.

Please,

What I need is just;

Sincerity.

"I just want to live by my own."

"Everybody is hating. What the hell am I doing here. I don't belong here."

"I am so tired, so upset. I just want to lay on my bed, listening to inspirative and waiting for death. Leave me alone."

"Feeling so weak, so miserable, so mindfucked. This life is full people hating. Why did I ever exist?"

"I felt so sick inside. So sick. I am so tired of my atmostphere and my sorroundings. My soul is so sick. So terribly sick. I am dying."

"I wish I am big enough to drive to the beach, to be alone there while gently weeps my guitar accompany by those sea breezes. It hurts when you feel alone and criticise by the sorrounding but it will be the warmest embrace when its time. And I'll be fine."

I am weird
I am an arsehole
I am bored
I am savoring my solitude
I am alone
I feel alone
I lose all of my friend
I don't have any friend
I am sad and pathetic
I miss being around my music mate
I don't smoke
I am anorexic
I tried to diet
I failed
I am almost half a donkey
I seek for god
I cried
I am full of hate
I hate my soul
I am fragile
I gone through bullshit
I hate my 14-17 years old life
I have emotions disorders
I often depress
I starve myself
I want to be skinny
I am skinny
I am not skinny
I am an idiot
I look so ugly
I have a boyfriend
I love my boyfriend
I am
I felt ugly everyday
I hate myself
I discriminise me
I dislike being a grown up
I grow up so fast
I am a grown up girl
I am 18

I am 18.
Happy Birthday, dear discriminise me. Your soul is full of hatred and bullshit.
May you rest in peace. *smile and grin*

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                                                Bullshits

"I want to go somewhere far away with just me, with myself, and I."

"I put too much high hopes in our relationship until I forgot it will be burn into ashes."

"I'm feeling so tired and falling apart."

"I wish I am beautiful, so that I'm the one you'll be stalking everyday. How I wish that comes true."

"I just want to be your most favourite thing, the thing you love the most, the thing you like the most, the thing you're scared to lose, the thing you can't afford. I want to be all the thing you miss every single day, the thing you're into everyday, the thing you seek when you wake up every morning. I want to be your only woman so that you won't sent any requests on facebook, likes any girls photos or statuses. I want to be your only favourite girl that won't make you feel like looking for anyone else. I wish I am you favourite one. I wish I am."

"I'm sick! So sick of all my thoughts. Its killing me inside."

"O Allah, why is my life is full of sorrowness? You promised to test your servants with the only thing they can cope with. I am not strong enough for this dear god."

"I couldn't look into their eyes. As if I've comitted the biggest sin loving someone they forbid."

"God, forgive me, do help me, make me extinguish. I am so tired of pouring tears."